More than just a trip: What to see in Amsterdam.

Despite having the unfair reputation as just being a place to take drugs and see prostitutes, Amsterdam has a diverse range of attractions and activities to entertain, inform, and inspire. Here's my list on what you must see and what you could probably miss in the city of windmills, tulips, and canals:

1) The Electric Ladyland Museum - Tweede Leliedwarsstraat 5

I'm not going to go too in depth into this museum, and encourage you not to read about it too much, because it doesn't sound like you'd be missing much by not going. But one thing's for sure: you must visit. What initially seems like a relatively 'nothing special' bunch of glow-in-the-dark rocks [if some online descriptions are anything to go by], is turned into an absolute pleasure by the passion, knowledge, and skill of the museum owner / guide, who is clearly well-versed in the ways of the paintbrush, the UV light, and the blacklight.

2) The Amsterdam Museum - Kalverstraat 92

With free entry to anyone with an iAmsterdam tourist card, and with a variety of permanent and temporary exhibitions, the Amsterdam Museum is an irresistable proposition, and I would recommend placing it towards the start of your trip. The museum not only recounts The Netherlands' history as a naval powerhouse, the status of religion and tolerance in the country, and more 'populist' historial events, but also has an intriguing exhibition on graffiti [which conveys the links between graffiti from Amsterdam and New York, and sparks an interesting debate on what point something stops being 'graffiti' and starts being 'street art'.

3) Noomi Van Gelder's Boutique - Prinsengracht 16

Thinking of buying some souvenirs for a loved one? Don't buy anything orange - it's not really present until Koningsdag [King's Day] or an international football match. Avoid items that say Amsterdam on them, too, unless you want everyone to be silently judging you. Instead, I recommend buying a trinket or two from this lovely little boutique on Prinsengracht. The pieces are all made by the person who owns / runs the shop, each one unique in their own way. Luckily, the prices don't break the bank, and the owner is a delight to speak to while browsing.

4) Stedelijk Museum - Museumplein 10

I hate modern art, but love modern design. Thankfully, this museum serves as Amsterdam's home to both of these, and charts the rise of the modernist movement, and also shows that some pieces of modern design aren't as modern as you think!

5) A Boat Tour [most depart from just outside Centraal Station]

Okay, if I'm honest, you'll probably be able to see most of the city's sights by walking. One of my

biggest gripes with myself on my trip was that I'd end up taking a tram from Centraal Station, but would always somehow end up walking back to Centraal Station again in the course of my travels. However, the city's canals are a great way to see Amsterdam from another view point, and the tour guides always provide some helpful background information on the area and its architecture. You get one free tour with the iAmsterdam card, so why not? 

6) The Amsterdam Tulip Museum - Prinsengracht 116

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't exactly 'feel like' a museum, given its slightly small proportions. However, 

7) Los Pilones - Kerkstraat 63

Forget the watered-down, United States-influenced 'Mexican' food you see at food chains near you. Los Pilones, a local business that is now flourishing across the city, serves authentic Mexican cuisine in a bustling atmosphere right near the centre of town. Yes, that's right. I told you to go to The Netherlands to get Mexican food.

8) Museum Vrolik - Amstel III en Bullewijk, Amsterdam Zuid-Oost

This isn't exactly in a central location, but absolutely perfect if you want to get out of the hustle and bustle for a short period, or great if you're staying in the south east! The Vroliks' Museum is dedicated to biology, and, more accurately, anatomical anomalies. The museum isn't for the faint of heart, and even those with a strong constitution will be amazed and touched by some of the artefacts on display. But it is definitely worth a visit to remind you about the fragility and variability that exists in the human body!

What to Avoid

1) The Amsterdam Cheese Museum

It's not a museum. Just a cheese shop with an entire basement for PR and Marketing. Cheesy in more than one sense. Don't even bother going here just because the queue for the Anne Frank Huis is too long and you think this will keep you entertained.

2) The Heineken Brewery Experience

Again, it's more advertorial than eye opening, and don't be conned in to going because of the free bottle of beer. While I did not get to see Brouwerij 't Ij [they only run tours on a Friday], I hear it's a much better experience from a much better brewery!

3) Vondelpark and the Begijinhof gardens (unless it's summer)

Honestly, they're just parks or gardens. That's it. If you've got a park near you, it's pretty much the same thing. Though I am assured that they do become more of a spectacle in the summer months.

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Product Review: JML Point'n'Paint

There's one part of painting that particularly resounds with me, and that's "pain". When it comes to decorating a room, I can turn absolutely anything into a Picasso-esque abstract masterpiece.

This summer, feeling rather boisterous, and harbouring a massive burst of unspent creativity, I decided to paint my bedroom. Viewers of my YouTube videos will know that, for the past half-a-decade [at least], my room has been a garish green colour [or, as Dulux called it, "Fruit Fool 2."]

This time, however, I've decided to go the extra mile, and I've resorted to covering my walls in an overbearing blue [or, as Wilkinson call it: "Electric Blue".]

Since my paintbrushes and I are not on speaking terms since our last petty squable [painting the living room white a few years ago], I decided to invest in the item you see above -  the JML Point'n'Paint. According to the wondrous video that's played above these products in stores, you don't need to tape around any fixtures and fittings on your walls, and you can paint an entire room in less than an hour. These claims, however, are probably geared towards people who have an iota of common sense and artistic talent. But how would they fare with your common-ore urban idiot [i.e. me]?
[Find out after the very small jump!]
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JML are usually renowned as a company that hold true to their claims, and make devices and products that actually help consumers out in their own homes. But with the Point'n'Paint, they may have overstretched themselves.

Firstly, while the thought of painting an entire room in less than an hour sounds fantastic, you may want to hold your horses. At best, even while listening to a bunch of uptempo, modern dance songs, you'll probably find that you'll do one wall in about an hour. I'm not sure if the JML marketing department lost the memo on this one, but to be classed as a 'room', something ideally needs to have four walls. That means that, most likely, you'll be spending at least four hours on a room. While that doesn't sound too bad, I'll draw your attention to two of the words in that sentence: "at least". I say "at least" because the Point'n'Paint does not spread the paint evenly across your wall. What tends to happen is that you end up with a massive splodge of paint where you start your stroke, and a massive splodge where you end it, with the bit in between making you wonder which universe all your paint has somehow magically teleported to.

Because of this lack of coverage, not only will you need to add a second and sometimes third coat, but by the time you get to your second coat, you'll be in for a nasty surprise.

JML's products usually have great build quality, but the pads that apply the paint to your walls, however, seem to made out of dandelion clocks, and held together with sweat and spit from the factory floor. After just about holding on for one coat of paint, they lose all friction, tear off the bottom of the pad, and fall to the floor [which, in my case, made it look like a ghost of a Smurf/Na'vi crossbreed].

Of course, this is a fantastic thing for JML, as you need to repeatedly run back to the shops and buy yet another set of pads to paint with. If you listen carefully as it thunks into your basket or trolley, you can hear a cash-register chime and a CEO cackle, somewhere in the direction of JML's head office.

In short, while the JML Point'n'Paint is a good idea for novices like me, it simply does not do the job very well, thanks to its shoddy build quality, and its lack of ability to spread paint properly. Unfortunately, then, it looks like I will have to cancel my application to re-decorate the roof of the Sistine Chapel. It also looks like painting, if you excuse the 'gangsta' turn of phrase, will remain exactly that: "pain ting."

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