Review: Itsu 3 Minute Noodle Pot [Thai Spicy Flavour]

Even though I've recently finished university, I've found it hard to readjust to normal day-to-day life. By that, I mean that I still have this strange desire inside of me to consume Pot Noodles and other products of the same ilk.
Thankfully, though, I appeared to have found a product that will allow me to satisfy my craving for quick noodles, whilst also throwing away that "I'm a poor student" reputation that these products often come with.

     Itsu is a company that has a range of restaurant and shops in London specialising in sushi and salads, and even though I've never eaten at one of their establishments before, I figured that owning a few fancy restaurants would mean that their noodles would be top notch.

The broth tastes horrible. 

Going broth-less won't leave your breathless, either.

On the face of it, the noodles look rather nice. The packaging looks a bit more fancy than most of the 'run of the mill' noodle snacks on the market. Open the plastic lid, and you'll find a long and deep 'spork' [which, sadly, is about as useful as a chocolate ashtray]; cooked, soft noodles [which are a refreshing alternative to the dry noodle-clumps that most of these products provide]; a sachet of dried vegetables; and a sachet of 'heavenly broth paste'.

Sadly, however, that's where the beauty of the 3 Minute Noodle Pot ends. The broth that is provided appears to have gone a bit too heavy on the lemongrass and ginger, to the point where it goes past being exotic, and tastes like a cocktail of bleach, and alcohol hand-rub, with a hint of Dettol. Remove the God-awful broth from the pot, and sadly the noodles taste absolutely bland. The dried vegetables, which make the noodles look incredibly fancy, do absolutely nothing for the taste of the product - a sentiment that really sums up the Itsu 3 Minute Noodle Pot quite well. The only thing this noodle dish really has going for it is that it's a country mile ahead of the competition on aesthetics alone. But if you'd actually like something tasty to eat, and not just something pretty to waste time on and stare at, this product isn't for you.

Sadly, I won't be recommending this product to anyone. Other than buying another tub simply to hide some Pot Noodle in, I don't think I'll ever consider purchasing Itsu 3 Minute Noodles ever again.

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Book Review: The Drought - Steven Scaffardi

First off, I should probably start off by admitting that, in this case, the title "book review" is a misnomer. No, I haven't sunk so low as to ignore the old adage "don't judge a book by its cover," but I did [somewhat reluctantly] manage to struggle through the first chapter of this novel.

Having been a member of goodreads for quite a while, I am always happy to receive new recommendations on what books to add to my ever-creaking shelves next. While I usually stick to reading other people's reviews, I was met with an interesting proposition, when stand-up comedian and author [and I use those terms loosely] Steven Scaffardi, offered me the chance to download and read his latest lad-lit offering "The Drought" for completely free.

Of course, being a stingy student, and a keen fan of the lad-lit genre [which is basically chick-lit but for guys, if you couldn't guess], I would've been a fool to say no, especially to someone who had been compared to previous authors I have read, such as Matt Dunn and Mike Gayle. Before downloading any free material, however, I decided to read the first chapter of the book that appears free-to-view on Scaffardi's blog.



Long story short, The Drought is about Dan Hilles, a fallen Casanova whose charm has gone MIA, resulting in a long period of sexual inactivity. Throughout the novel, he calls upon several friends to ensure that he gets his mojo back and the magic happening. Well, he does if you can get that far into the book, anyway.

Despite being familiar with the genre, and not exactly loathing the premise, I could not be won over by Scaffardi's first chapter at all. The writing style, whilst not entirely off-putting, isn't conducive to humour at all, and simply makes the reader feel as if they're wading through treacle to get to a punchline. The punchlines themselves, once you've found them, really aren't that special anyway, resulting in a mild 'heh', rather than the big, belly, Brian Blessed-esque laughs that can be generated from most other books in the genre. [But, of course, humour is subjective, so others may take to Steven Scaffardi's jokes like a duck to water.]

Dan Hilles is portrayed as a clumsy, yet well meaning person when it comes to love. In many ways, he could be The Big Bang Theory's Howard Wolowitz crossed with Mr Bean. Unfortunately, however, he has the humour of a funeral on a wet Wednesday. His mishaps don't, unfortunately, cause the reader to feel any sympathy for him, as he comes across as a bit of a sex-crazed douchebag [for lack of a better phrase].

At the end of the day, The Drought is exactly that: dry, boring, and seemingly never-ending. From the first, utterly mind-numbing sentence [which stirs up about as much intrigue as finding a twig in a heavily wooded area], the tale [or at least the first chapter] is a work that made me internally scream: "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE. IS THIS FINISHED YET!?"
A fellow reviewer remarked that the book made her cry - I can assure you that you won't be bawling tears of joy at this novel.

RATING: 2/10 - [First chapter only. I might read the rest of it when I have a death wish.]

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Popcorn Post: The Simpsons Movie. D'OH!

Ten years of expectation; six years of preparation; all for 87 minutes of diabolical, yellow-skinned celluloid. Yes! That's right! “The Simpsons Movie” has hit our screens with a resounding “D'OH!”
Now - I know what all my budding film critics will say - “We knew it would happen, blah blah blah, TV shows never really successfully make it to the big screen, yahta yahta yahta, what did you expect?” But you surely would expect this to be different! This is “The Simpsons”! It's not just a TV show! It's cult status! Nearly every person on this planet has some sort of memory of our yellow-skinned mates!
And THAT is where our problem lies! The plot line is exactly the same to that as a thirty-minute episode! It all starts when the family cause a big “eco-catastrophe”, and President Schwarzenegger randomly chooses to encase the town of Springfield in a glass dome, for it to be destroyed [because that really is the only way to make people go “green”]. Just like recent “Simpsons” episodes on the small screen, the plot takes a while to kick in; revealing that “The Simpsons” writers have run out of good side-plot lines, and quick and funny jibes.
The strong point of the movie, however, is the characterization. President Schwarzenegger [Harry Shearer] is an excellent character; a doppelgänger of the current, real life U.S. President, who provides just as much humour: “Aiii get payed to leeeeaaad, naht to reeeaaaad!”
Homer J Simpson, is his lazy self, poking fun at other objects around him. At one point in the the film, he sings: “Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever, a spiderpig does.” Green Day fans will be pleased to know that the band make a cameo appearance in the opening scenes of the film. Haters will be just as thrilled to see them sinking into a lake.
So, to sum up: “The Simpsons Movie” leaves a lot to be desired. Most, if not all, of the jokes are unfunny, the plot is as dry as a digestive biscuit under a hairdryer, and the only thing holding the movie up is the character line-up. Once again, a TV show has tried to make it to Hollywood, but has only found the Hollywood Café round the corner. I'd rather eat my shorts than recommend this movie to anyone.
Rating: 5/10

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